What To Say To People Who Don’t Understand.

Wondering what to tell people who don’t understand your need to go gluten-free or change up your diet?  Been there, done that.  It can be so frustrating when people don’t understand (not always their fault) or don’t care (not much you can do there).  You can end up feeling pretty alone.

If it’s the former, gently explaining the situation sometimes helps. You may need to lather, rinse, and repeat several times, but repetition is sometimes necessary and not always a bad thing!

As we create new and lasting habits, hopefully, others will eventually see these habits not as “big changes”, but simply who we are.  And they will forget it was even an issue in the first place.

Getting to that point, though, can be hard.

Below is a letter I sent to my family a few years back when I embarked on the AIP.  It was after a morning of frustration, trying to explain and defend my new dietary choices to my family.  I went home and wrote this email and sent it off.  It was very well received and opened up the lines of communication for a bit more discussion and, more importantly, understanding and support.

Note: I have Hashimoto’s, but really this pertains to anyone dealing with autoimmune disease or chronic illness – the point is not about the details, but about gently opening up and sharing facts and your reasons for why you are doing what you are doing, and asking for support if you need it.

Whether or not you get that support is another post for another time, but if you speak your mind honestly and clearly in a kind and gentle manner, that is the best you can do.  The rest is on them.

Feel free to share.

What To Say To People Who Don’t Understand.

Greetings all,

Here are some answers to your questions from earlier today:

What I have is called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune disease (like diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, Chron’s disease, lupus, or Lyme disease).

There is no medication for autoimmune disease. There is medication for the thyroid which could help with the fact that my thyroid is low functioning, but there’s simply no medication for my body attacking itself.

I’m not sure if it is the same thing that Aunt Susie had; there are many different types of thyroid disease. You can still have Hashimoto’s even if you don’t have a thyroid, so taking it out is NOT an option.  Most of my thyroid is still intact and is still somewhat functional. If I did take it out I would have to take more pills aside from the little one I am currently taking, and taking more pills is not appealing to me in the least.

I don’t know what caused the Hashimoto’s. It could have been stress (my time in college with my professor? the stress of infertility?), a sensitivity to a food at some point, a bacteria, an antibiotic. Regardless of what caused it, I now have to do whatever I can to make sure it doesn’t get worse.  People who have one autoimmune disease usually develop more unless something is done to improve gut health. I am trying to avoid that.

Regarding gluten: My body sees gluten as an unwelcome visitor that must be destroyed. Research has found that the molecular structure of gluten is similar to thyroid tissue. If I eat gluten, antibodies are created to destroy the gluten.  Since gluten is similar to thyroid tissue, the antibodies also go after my thyroid.

So by avoiding gluten, I’m working to lower my antibodies because when my body is constantly attacking itself it makes me feel tired, fatigued, cold, weak, and all of those other symptoms I’ve mentioned in previous emails.

So less gluten = fewer antibodies = less attack on my thyroid = me feeling much better. 😀

Hence, I’ve been told by my doctor to stay away from gluten 100% of the time. This is not a bandwagon I just happily jumped on because it was the “diet du jour”. I’m not fond of it, and it’s very frustrating sometimes. But like a diabetic, I now have to watch what I eat. By doing so I could quite possibly put the disease into remission. I will still have it, but I will (hopefully) not have any symptoms.

I want to be able to function every day, not just 1 or 2 days a week. So I simply am going to avoid what is making me sick. Right now the biggest culprit is, and always will be, gluten.

I’m still learning about this disease, but that’s the gist of what I know. If you want to know anything else about Hashimoto’s or autoimmune disease and the gut health connection, please feel free to research it yourself. There is an abundance of material about it out there on the internet.  Or, if you like, I can send you some information. Just let me know.

I know this is frustrating for you guys. I’m sorry you’re frustrated.  I’m frustrated too as this is a huge inconvenience for me and I have to deal with it every day. I don’t want to live this way. I wish I could eat whatever the heck I want and be healthy, but I can’t. So I’m figuring out a new way of living.

And I’ll say it again, I don’t expect anyone to EVER cook anything “special” for me. It’s my problem, not yours. But, I’ll say this again too, please don’t be offended if I turn down delicious baked goods or bread – it’s not about you, it’s about my gut and my thyroid and my health.  I won’t have bread no matter how heartfelt your pleas because:  I just want to feel better.

I hope you understand that feeling crappy stinks. I want to be better. I am working toward bettering my health.

If it is easier for me to bring my own food to family gatherings, by all means, I will, but there is usually SO many great things to eat that don’t have gluten!  So I don’t have bread or pasta, no big deal.  I’ll have extra green beans and salad and another helping that delicious roast chicken.  Pass the plate! No big whoop.

That’s all I got, hope it explains some things. I really wish things were different, and I wish there was a magical fix or cure.  Right now there is no cure for what I have, so I’m dealing with it the best way I know how at this moment.

Thanks for reading.  I really appreciate your support as I go through this huge change in my life.

Love,
Sandy

My offer to you.

In light of all that’s been going on in this world, I would like to offer you, dear reader, some coaching.

I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in the world right now. It does not have to be about nutrition or autoimmune issues. We can talk about anything that’s on your mind.

We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:

• creating new habits in this “new normal” – or maintaining current habits
• work challenges – either working from home or being out of work
• figuring out how to best spend your time with your now at-home children (and still retain your sanity)
• how to cope if you have too much free time, or if you are finding it hard to strike a work-time vs. free-time balance in light of recent changes
• how best to manage stress
• guilty feelings about not having to go work or the gym or maybe cheating on your diet
• feeling ok doing absolutely nothing for a while
• helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
• help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
• if you are a health care worker, I can offer empathy and support for what you are facing right now.

To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.

Be well, everyone, and I look forward to meeting you.

Sandy

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach who received her training from Chris Kresser’s ADAPT Health Coach training course (A-CFHC) and is also a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.