Birth and Death

Getting in touch with your heart can be another road to clarity if you are if you are sitting on the fence and feeling stuck. Take a moment to become quiet and still. Then ask yourself: What does my heart desire? The heart holds our deepest emotions and desires. The heart does not lie, we cannot control it the way we can our thoughts and beliefs. There is a gentleman (and he is SO gentle!) on social media who goes by the moniker “A soul called Joel”. One of his reels came across my feed and stopped me in my tracks. He looked straight into the camera (and MY SOUL lol) and asked: “How is your heart?” When I heard that a rush of tears flooded my sight. What a beautiful question. We often overlook the heart when we are feeling stuck. Checking in with MY heart allowed me to make a big decision. I knew immediately what I had to do, even though I knew that moving forward would be difficult. This “soul called Joel” goes on to offer a beautiful mantra in that reel. You can watch it at @asoulcalledjoel ... look for the reels where he is wearing a red and black plaid shirt (he reposted his particular reel a couple of times probably cause it's sooo good). :) I invite you to put your hand over your heart like he is doing - and take a moment. Let me know how YOUR heart feels after watching it... and "may the hard places become soft, so that they may dissolve and transform into a flourishing garden". #heart #emotion #stuck #flourish #swansoncoaching

"For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn." The above is an example of a "six-word story" (sometimes attributed to Earnest Hemingway, but the jury's out as to whether or not that's true). What comes up for you as you read it? The mind may go to several scenarios, none of them cheery (thanks Debbie Downer!). Amazing how much emotion can be rolled into six little words. The challenge of writing such a short story is to make the reader pause and reflect. Maybe to laugh or cry. To elicit emotion without going into long elaborate stories. This is something coaches are pretty good at; inviting our clients to think about the meaning and emotion underneath whatever story they have going on in their heads. Here's a six-word story that a client shared with me this morning: "Old roads, new map. I'm lost." At times in my life, I know I related to that one. Lots of changes happening both internally and externally. Not knowing which way to go or grow. Thank goodness for my coaches for supporting me during those times. I'll be thinking about my own six-word story today, and I invite you to do the same. Here are a few more examples to get your creative juices flowing, and let me know in the comments what you come up with! ooh, and this just came up for me: "Listening to the wind outside, I breathe." #emotion #meaning #story #sixwordstory #coaching #lifecoach #swansoncoaching

Here's the third tip on getting unstuck: Check your motivation. Something that coaches are trained to do is to look for their client's motivation: Is it internal or external? Internal motivation will always be stronger than external motivation when it comes to getting unstuck. Check out the image of my hair above. What do you think of the color? (spoiler alert: to hear what I think about what you think of my hair, keep reading) I decided to stop coloring my hair over a year ago to let my grays and silvers grow out. Now in my mid-50s, I remember when I went to visit my parents sometime in my early 40s. I had some gray roots showing as I hadn't colored my hair in a few weeks. My dad said, "wow you have a lot of gray hair don't you?" I remember going home and immediately coloring my hair. Here's the thing: External motivations such as friends, family, culture... they all influence how we make choices. In my 40's I was not in a place to listen to my own thoughts and feelings. I was externally motivated. But when I got curious about why I think the thoughts I do and why I behave the way I do... well, my internal motivation shot through the roof. I'm not just talking about hair here. I'm talking about every single decision I make (shout out to my mentor coaches and other coaches who I've worked with these past several years who have helped me untangle those thoughts and behaviors!). I now easily catch myself when I feel that external forces are swaying me. Ignoring those forces is the tricky part, but, taking a moment to remember who I am and my purpose and passion for being here on this planet - this is what gets me back on the path of possibility (that's a lot of p's!). When it comes to challenges and being stuck, where do you see yourself being externally motivated? Just becoming aware of what is motivating you can be a catalyst for becoming unstuck. As for me, I love the "calico" nature of my hair right now. And I could not give a flying f*** what others think. #motivation #stuck #unstuck #silversister #grayhair #greyhair

This is the second in a series - if you missed the previous posts, see my blog (in bio). Here's tip #2: Trust your gut. Here's a quote on trusting your gut from Melody Wildling (a professor of human behavior at Hunter College): “Trusting your gut is trusting the collection of all your subconscious experiences...It’s this unconscious-conscious learned experience center that you can draw on from your years of being alive. It holds insights that aren’t immediately available to your conscious mind right now, but they’re all things that you’ve learned and felt. In the moment, we might not be readily able to access specific information, but our gut has it at the ready.” So how to get back to trusting our guts as a means to helping us make decisions? You have to create space to hear what your gut is saying. Ok, next question: How to create space? I'm a big fan of naps and "shutting down". And whenever you wake up, there is always space between sleeping and being fully awake. It’s a lovely place to be, somewhere that we luxuriously enjoy before we remember our problems, issues, and struggles. Here's a way to take advantage of that space: Upon waking, I invite you to hit the snooze but stay awake, eyes closed. Better even to wake naturally. When you start thinking about that issue that has you stuck (and our minds always get in there first thing in the morning), gently put the spinning on the mental hamster wheel aside - and check in with your gut. Acknowledge any reactions here. Initial sensations, feelings, emotions. Whatever comes up. These sensations might be fleeting before the mental chatter starts up again, but see how long you can hold on to that sensation to help uncover what you *truly* want and need. Not what your head is telling you, or what our friends/family are telling us. This, like getting in touch with the body, can be hard at first. But this skill can be cultivated over time. Be curious about listening to your gut, and let me know how it goes! #trust #trustyourgut #subconcious #stuck #gettingunstuck #swansoncoaching

In the coming days and weeks, I’ll be sharing some tips and tricks to help you get unstuck - no matter the circumstances of your stuck-ness. This is the second in a series - if you missed the previous post, see my blog (link in bio). Here’s the first tip: Get in touch with your body. Stop for a moment and check in. Where are you holding tension right now? Some common places we hold tension are: the jaw the neck the gut the shoulders Or there might be pain somewhere, like a headache, backache, eyestrain/pain, etc. I invite you to notice this pain or tension. Be with it. Breathe into it. Relax into it. Getting in touch with your body is a brilliant way of not only teaching yourself how to relax but also helps you to be present. And becoming present creates S P A C E. And within that space there is an opportunity to see what is needed. So: what is that physical symptom telling you that you need? Don’t overthink this! SOMEthing usually comes up, like: I need to rest I need to let go of [XYZ] I need to get outside I need to exercise I need a good cry (this happens often in real time during my coaching sessions!) Once that need is met, some things might clear up. You might not get completely unstuck, but there is usually a shift that takes place or a relaxing that happens. The pic of me is when I just woke up from a nap. I was working and feeling stuck. I checked in and realized I was freaking exhausted. I needed rest, so closed my eyes for a few minutes before getting back to my computer. You're not seeing the "before" photo, but trust me: what a difference a few minutes of rest make! (and my hair always looks better after I sleep on it lol) One thing to note: Getting in touch with the physical body might be really REALLY hard for some people. I invite you to be super gentle, and practice this technique with “nonjudgemental curiosity”, and let me know how it goes! #stuck #struggle #stugglebus #rest #physical #tension #pain #tipstrickstools #swansoncoaching #lifecoach #holisticcoach #wellnesscoach

Something I experience in my coaching sessions every day is seeing people who feel “stuck”. Stuck in a job they don’t like. Stuck after graduating from college, working their dream job, not knowing what’s next. Stuck not knowing what to do now that the kids have left home. Stuck in a relationship that is no longer serving them. Stuck in not knowing what to do regarding that big decision looming over them. Many times these clients say “I just need more tools in my life to figure this out, then I’ll be good”. They want “tips, tools, or tricks” to help them get unstuck. In other words, they want information. The thing is, there’s a sh*t-ton of information out there. Any answers we desire are at our fingertips thanks to the interwebs. So why are we always so stuck?! Information doesn’t help one get unstuck. It can be a starting point, but information alone will not get one unstuck. Doing the [sometimes hard] inner work is what gets you unstuck. Understanding yourself, your beliefs, your emotions, your body, how you think and act the way you do - and *why* you are doing any of it - including being stuck - is imperative to get unstuck. And this is what coaching is all about. To help you better understand yourself so you can make different choices moving forward. Over the coming days and weeks, I’m going to share with you some things I discuss with my clients in the first or second session to help them better understand themselves and how they move through this world. This awareness helps them become UNstuck. Yeah, they might be called “tips and tricks and tools”, and you can absolutely self-coach yourself using them. It is sometimes easier with a facilitator (e.g. a coach, therapist, or spiritual advisor), but if you are willing to go deep on your own and be honest with yourself, I invite you to play around with these techniques. So stay tuned! In the meantime: Are you feeling stuck? What has helped YOU get unstuck? Would love to hear from you. #stuck #struggle #strugglebus #lifecoach #holisticoach #tipstrickstools #swansoncoaching