Funerals and Rituals

Funerals and rituals. I watched some of Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral and procession this morning.  I’m not a “royalphile” by any means, but I got sucked into the pageantry and tradition.

Everything seemed so perfectly orchestrated.  Every move rehearsed, down to the pallbearer’s hand and arm movements when they released the Queen’s casket into the waiting hearse.

6,000 military were present with every sash, medal, sword, and shoelace in its proper place.  So many uniforms. So many hats. So many horses (including the Queen’s horse, Emma, who came out to say a final goodbye, see pic below – this is when I started bawling, despite not having given one whit about any of this previously).

And so much quiet anticipation for what was to come – a world without The Queen.  What will happen now?

So much is unknown.

Exciting times!

Funerals and rituals are important.

I love a good ritual.  Marking the transition of one part of life to another.  Baptisms, graduation, marriages.

A ritual doesn’t have to be extravagant or a big party or celebration. Daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly rituals are just as important.  These smaller rituals carry us from one day and week to the next and the next and so on and so forth.  I spoke of some rituals when it comes to “foundational self-care” in my blog post here.

And funerals.  With autoimmune disease comes much loss.  How do we acknowledge this loss?  Loss of a life we once thought we’d have, loss of children we will never bear, loss of social connection, loss of so many things.

Even the loss of foods in our diet can cause grief and sadness.

What to do?

Have a funeral, I say!

Honor what has been released.

When we properly say goodbye to something with a funeral, we honor the place it had in our lives.  We acknowledge its importance, no matter how small.

And by doing so we create space for something new.

In addition to honoring what has died, lost, or released, we activate the right side of our brains – the creative side.  We stop thinking logically and rationally and allow ourselves to create.  This can be a release in and of itself, to release all the thinking and doing and just create something lovely, special, and even fun.

I invite you to think about things you are holding on to that you may no longer need – and see if releasing them and giving them a funeral would be beneficial for where you are right now in your healing journey and your life.

What can you do to honor what is gone with funerals and rituals?

What do these funerals and rituals look like, you ask?

I’ve had some clients give gluten a “proper burial”, literally burying a loaf of bread in the backyard, saying a few words or a poem, and marking the grave with a decorated cross: “Here Lies Bread… May He Never Rise Again”.

I’ve put old financial papers into a firepit, one piece at a time, saying goodbye to those days when I was broke and had only $10 in my checking account.  I said goodbye to that “financial scarcity” mindset and laid it to rest.

Some meditate, pray, paint, or write as part of their funerals.  Some make a pilgrimage to a special place, leaving behind a totem representative of what was lost or released.

You don’t need 6,000 military personnel to hold a beautiful, meaningful funeral.

You just need to be present with your grief, and honest in your desire to honor what was and to create space for the new.

There must be space for life to come after death.

Wishing you many rituals in your life to carry you forward into the exciting unknown.

Sandy Swanson is an ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC), a Certified Functional Health Coach (A-CFHC), and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.

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Sandy and Mick say their final goodbyes to the Queen