Overcoming Fear: 5 Things to Help.

Overcoming fear. This is a common topic in my coaching sessions, which usually elicits this question from me:  What are you afraid of?  or, after some waffling from clients on that question, What are you *really* afraid of?

Sometimes the answer is clear:  Death, dying.  If one jumps out of a plane (as I did a few years ago) one could potentially die. However:

One could also potentially die in an automobile accident – and there is a greater chance of dying that way than from a skydiving accident (1 in 6,000 chance vs. 1 in 100,000 chances for skydiving).  Yet few of us are fearful of getting in a car, something we do every day, sometimes multiple times a day. What’s up with that?

I also ride motorcycles.  This can also be seen as a very dangerous activity, but, for me, that perspective doesn’t really cross my mind when I go out for a ride.

Something doesn’t quite add up here. I do love pointing out “faulty thinking” in my clients… and love it when others point out my faulty thinking.  They gently chisel a crack into my old beliefs.

When that crack appears in my thinking, it’s then up to me to keep picking away at and unearthing what’s underneath.

This can be scary, hard work.

Overcoming Fear: the “hero’s journey”

Joseph Campbell suggests that we all need to embark on a “Hero’s Journey” to find our true path in life.

Most of us will have our own Hero’s Journeys, several times over, in our lifetimes.  This is shown in the choices we make:  where we go to college (a place no one in our family would go), choosing to not go to college (ruining the family line of proud college grads), if we leave home, when we travel abroad, choices in our health and lifestyle, our careers and our friends.

Those we leave behind sometimes do not understand our choices, but we move forward anyway. There are trials and tribulations, scary places that no one has been before, but we face them and continue the journey. These scary places are magical worlds where change takes place. We return home with more insight into who we are, empowered to share our stories and newfound wisdom with others.

However:  Many of us never embark on our own Hero’s Journey. We stay still, comfortable, and rooted in safety.  We listen to others who have the same ideas and biases which confirm that the crack in our beliefs is something to be re-plastered over and forgotten about.  We never find that “other world” – we never find the magic which will support our journey and our growth.

In other words, we never reach that point of overcoming fear.

Jumping Out of  Perfectly Good Plane

The year I jumped out of a perfectly good plane was 2011.  This was a year of extreme uncertainty and fear for me:  I was not yet diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, I was suffering from fatigue, depression, infertility.  I was contemplating divorce.  I was on the precipice of huge change in every direction – and was terrified at the prospect of moving forward on ANY of these things.

I just watched the video from that skydive (scroll down for the link if you have five minutes to spare and want to see it yourself) and was terrified all over again.  Don’t be fooled by my mugging for the camera and seeming to be cool about the whole thing;  my heart was beating out of my chest.

Sometimes it takes something as obvious as jumping out of a plane for one to realize that they are capable of so much more than what they originally thought.  For me, it also put so much in perspective:  Finding a new doctor?  Easy after this skydive. Talking to my husband about couples therapy?  Done.

Granted, I had a lot of help leaving that plane since I was tethered to the instructor. I still made the choice to jump, but, support is huge when stepping into your fears.  More on that below.

Overcoming Fear: Autoimmune Disease

Many of my clients harbor much fear:  Fear of losing their current lifestyles.  Fear of losing friends, fear of not getting support from them.  Fear of changing their diet, because no one else had ever done something “so crazy” as to give up gluten.

Fear of never feeling good again, ever.  Or fear of feeling good again – then what? After years lost to disease and illness, what then?  Wouldn’t it be easier to stay sick, to stay comfortable and safe in what we know?

It can be paralyzing.

How does one start this journey, creating a new path out of nothing? How to fly when you’re stuck to the floor of the plane and don’t have an instructor to help you take that first step?

Some thoughts on this here:

Five Things To Consider When Overcoming Fear:

1. Awareness.  Just being aware that there is fear present is a pretty big step up from denial that anything is amiss!  Do not underestimate the power of accepting where you are and that you are indeed afraid of whatever changes you want to make. What does that fear look like? Does it have a shape, a color, a name? What would you say to it if you could have a conversation with it?
2. Grief.  Saying goodbye to old habits is hard. Saying goodbye to an old lifestyle is harder. Saying goodbye to unsupportive friends and family… well that sometimes plain old sucks.  But acknowledging the fact that you can’t take everything with you on your journey is so very important. Experiencing any loss and grief that comes up in whatever capacity possible will allow space for change to blossom.
3. Support.  If your current circle of friends will not support you, find people who will. Find people who have been where you are and are now where you want to be.  Fill your life with these people!  Having like-minded people in your new inner circle is important on your journey.  Keep in mind, some may not be the best “assistants” for your next journey – which is perfectly natural. People come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime, as the old saying goes. What does it look like to honor this?
4. Understanding.  Look at those who have gone before you. They most likely have been where you are now.  Take comfort – and inspiration – from them that moving forward through fear is possible.  What can you learn from them?
5. Action.  So many people rush to action without first acknowledging grief and without proper support.  These two things can keep one paralyzed.  If you consistently create a small step to take and then do not take it, or backslide, ask yourself: what do I first need to acknowledge and say goodbye to? What does that look like?  Or:  What else will support me as I take that scary first step?  Would asking for support be considered a first step for me?

One last thing:

Fear is usually a very GOOD thing.  While primal fear tells us to run, and run fast from potential danger, fear of a non-threat (thoughts, beliefs, etc) usually is an indicator to go towards whatever it is we fear.

Fear appears when your potential to fly is at its peak.  It is here to tell you: Now is the call to action to begin YOUR journey, to take that first step, whatever that step may be.  For me, it was stepping off of the plane into thin air. This one step was the difference between paralyzing fear – and flying.

Overcoming this one tangible fear was a catalyst that empowered me to overcome fears in my life that maybe weren’t so easily overcome.

This is not to say you have to go jump out of a plane, of course. But sometimes choosing to face something that is scary can help us choose to face fears in other parts of our lives as well.

What’s one small step you can take (keeping in mind that that step does NOT have to be a tangible action, see above regarding awareness, grief, and support), right now, to overcome your fear?

One final question:

What is the cost of not taking that first step…?

Until next time,

Sandy

PS: If you would like to watch my skydive from 2011, you may do so here.

“So, what does it take to get to Zürich? As I pondered this conundrum one late hour, the answer came back to me as a clear voice: “You get on an airplane!” Well, even I knew the difference between the visit of a casual tourist and the risk of quite another kind of journey, but I also know the truth of that compelling statement… Intuitively, I knew, as we all do at some level, what I had to do. Going was dying, and staying was dying. When we get to junctures like that, we had better choose the dying that enlarges rather than the one that keeps us stuck.” – James Hollis from “What Matters Most”.

MY OFFER TO YOU.

I would love to be a support to you, no matter what fears you are facing at this time.

As your coach, I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in the world right now.  We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:

• creating new habits – or maintaining current habits
• work challenges – either working from home or being out of work
• figuring out how to best spend your time with your now at-home children (and still retain your sanity)
• fears of starting a new career
• how best to manage stress
• guilty feelings about cheating on your diet
• fear around changing your diet
• feeling ok doing absolutely nothing for a while
• creating boundaries with family, friends, and co-workers
• helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
• help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
• giving yourself permission to just be – no matter where you are in your life.

To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach who received her training from Chris Kresser’s ADAPT Health Coach training course (A-CFHC) and is also a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.