Being brave and courageous. What does that even mean, to “be brave”?
I’m not talking about being ballsy or throwing all caution to the wind. To explain the difference, a little story for you.
I was recently in a situation at work with someone who was clearly out of their element. This person was struggling due to previously being in an abusive work situation. This affected their performance with us and resulted in a lot of mistakes that, in turn, affected not only those of us who worked closely with this person but also the entire company.
It was a difficult situation all around.
And yet, this person did nothing. Just cruised along as if everything was OK.
Pretty ballsy, but is that the same as being brave? or courageous?
What does Being Brave look like?
Being brave requires a lot of inner work. A lot of work to figure out who and what your authentic self is. A lot of work to be honest with yourself – and with others.
This can take time. Years.
I look at this image of the lion, above, wearing St. Patrick’s Day attire. Despite the ridiculousness of it all, he seems quite calm. His courage still shines through.
On a personal level, I think about my journey with music. I could relate to the person in the story above because I had a horrible time at the conservatory where I studied, where I had an emotionally and verbally abusive professor. I was too young to understand what was going on, I didn’t know what I wanted and didn’t have the courage to leave and move on.
My music-making suffered greatly, but I staunchly stayed on at the conservatory. I thought I was being brave.
After 4 years of that, I stepped away from music completely and moved my life to New York City. Which was a pretty bold move, looking back. Pretty courageous.
Or maybe I was just running away from my troubles.
Space is important when being brave
Moving from one city to another certainly gave me space physically. It wasn’t until years later that I acquired space mentally from that traumatic time in my life – and how important that mental space is.
A lot of hard inner work (yes, there I go again with the “inner work”) with the help of therapy and coaching allowed me to create that space.
When one has that space, choices appear. Different paths become available. And this is a beautiful thing because then we can make the choice to empower ourselves – and to be brave in those choices.
How to cultivate courage.
Here are a few pointers on tapping into your courageous, inner self:
• Get back in touch with your intuition. This may require slowing down. A lot. What does it look like to just sit with yourself and notice what is going on with your body? Are your thoughts all-consuming that you have no idea what you are feeling emotionally or physically?
Slow down. Get present. Get back in touch with your body. Breathwork, yoga, Tai Chi, QiGong are all wonderful tools to help get that mind-body connection back online.
Understanding what the body is doing helps us work with something tangible, and gets us out of our heads.
• Be honest. I mean really, REALLY honest. Being brave means being authentic. With yourself and with others. What would your authentic self say or do in situations where you are feeling fear or anxiety? I invite you to get still and listen carefully. Looking into the future may help: what would your “future self” say regarding your actions or lack thereof? A day, week, month, or year from now?
Be kind to yourself as emotions arise. Just notice them, without judgment.
• Get ready for the guilt and shame monsters to move in. Going to cut to the chase and quote the fabulous Karla Mclaren here (from her website):
“Shame is the natural emotional consequence of guilt and wrongdoing. When your shame is working well in your psyche, its powerful heat and intensity will restore your boundaries when you’ve broken them yourself. However, most of us don’t welcome shame into our lives; we obscure it by saying “I feel guilty” instead of “I feel ashamed,” which speaks volumes about our current inability to identify and acknowledge our guilt, channel our appropriate shame, and make amends.
“This is the real shame, because when we don’t welcome and honor our necessary shame, we cannot manage our own behavior. We’ll continually do things we know are wrong – and we won’t have the strength to stop ourselves. In our never-ending shamelessness, we’ll offend and offend and offend – we’ll always be guilty – because nothing will wake us to our effect on the world.”
Know that shame is real, and it’s ok. Again, no judgment. Shame is there to tell you to reassess. It means that the hard work you’re doing on your inner self is paying off, and that now you have choices as to how to move forward.
Being Brave: What would YOU do?
Some may say staying in an unsavory situation takes courage. I disagree, but I would say that it does take balls.
Being ballsy does not require looking into your gut to listen to what your authentic self is saying.
Being ballsy usually means that emotions are pushed aside and overlooked in favor of “staying safe”.
When you think about courage in your own life, what comes forward for you? Some things that have appeared in my coaching sessions relating to being brave are:
• Finding the courage to leave a family doctor and find someone to help with your health instead of dismissing you. If this has happened to you, what do you feel in your body as you remember this time in your life?
• Being brave enough to tell friends and loved ones about the changes in your diet, despite it being seen as “a fad” or “high maintenance” or “no fun” to them. If this resonates with you, what have you said to these people in those moments?
• Having the strength to say NO. No to certain foods, no to going out, no to having a drink, no to sugar. No to a gig that is not a good fit at the time. What is courageous – or not – about saying no?
Awareness is the first step toward finding courage.
I think about my co-worker who somehow mustered up the strength to make it through the season at work. They had strength, but like the cowardly lion, not a lot of courage.
This person is quite young, so I have hopes for them. They seem aware of the work they have to do and are already on that path. Awareness is the first step.
Looking back, I believe they are further along than I ever was at that age. I envision them rising up to the challenge and figuring it all out. In some ways, I am envious of their youthful awareness (even if it is just a twinkling at this point), and I even admire them for their ballsiness. I like to think that someday that ballsy nature will morph into true courage.
Then, in the future, when a silly St. Patrick’s day outfit is handed to them, they can just say no.
Or they can be brave enough to wear it with pride, knowing they’ve done the work and have the space to deal with whatever comes their way and be honest about it all.
Until next time, I wish all of you strength as you go about your day and hope that you have the space to be still, to listen, and to make courageous choices.
If you ever want to talk about how to create more courage or work through any fears you may be experiencing, click here to learn how I may be of support.
Sandy
Sandy Swanson is an ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC), a Certified Functional Health Coach (A-CFHC), and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC). You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.
