Being Heard with Autoimmune Disease: CQ, CQ, CQ…

“CQ, CQ, CQ…”  these letters ring in my head, a familiar mantra that echoed up from the basement, where my dad’s amateur radio shack lived.

I remember his muffled voice coming up through the floorboards, and sometimes coming over the tv or radio in loud, garbled, squelch-y tones depending on what frequency he was on.

What is CQ?

In the simplest terms, when a radio operator calls CQ, it’s an invitation for any others listening to respond.

What then?  Well, they talk about gear, the weather, what have you. Then they write all sorts of details in their log books and send a QSL card to document the connection.

Hobbies sure are weird (but also pretty cool).

The End Of An Era

Due to my dad’s failing health, he stopped using his radios last fall.  And my mom and I began the task of going through all of the gear:  equipment, coax cables (how many does one person need?!?  good lord), boxes of QSL cards, and paperwork.  Lordy, the paperwork.  Props to my mom who spent hours, days, going through papers….

And then, the antennas and towers.  My dad had two.  One he had built for him, the other he built himself.  Both done in the 1970’s.

We had some guys come out last weekend to take down and disassemble everything.  A 8+ hour project done over two days. Whew.

Watching those towers and antennas come down was strange. Sad. Like something was dying.  40+ years I’ve stared at the tower in the backyard through the patio door from my place at the kitchen table, 40+ years I’ve seen that tower and antenna on top of the house as I turned down the street to go home.

My dad put a Christmas Star on the tower (as seen in the above photo) which he plugged in every December.  A beacon.

The star stopped working several years ago, but, it was always there in it’s broken, weathered, glory.

Until this weekend.

Obviously, a lot of sadness and grief I’m processing here, which I’ll save for another post!

CQ, CQ… Am I being heard?

Being heard with autoimmune disease is tricky. These days it’s hard to connect with people.  We’re all in our own little bubbles.  Heads in phones or computers.  Isolated in cars.

And, oh yeah, there’s a pandemic still raging.

When one is experiencing autoimmune disease or chronic illness, one can feel even more isolated.  Reaching out to others can be hard.  We might end up feeling misunderstood when we do reach out.  It’s can be super frustrating.

Being Heard With Autoimmune Disease:  How to Call CQ

As stated above, reaching out to others can be hard, especially if we are bone-headed independent types who take pride in doing everything ourselves (looking in the mirror here).

There may come a time, however, when we need to ask others for help.  And here’s the thing:  Other people usually want to help!  We as humans thrive on helping others. It’s what we do best

With that in mind, here are a few things you can do to help others help you in being heard with autoimmune disease.

1. First of all, be succinct, clear, and willing to let go when communicating with others.  Ham radio operators are very clear when calling CQ, and will let the other person know if the signal is not good. They move on if something happens to terminate the conversation and will look for others to speak with.

2. Ask for help.  Start with “would you be willing to…?” instead of directing.  This one works wonders with spouses and partners!  Asking “would you be willing” gives them the opportunity to say no, which is their right – to have a choice in the matter.

3. Ask for a listening ear.  Instead of the usual CQ chitchat about the weather, which can be exhausting, ask “would you be willing to just listen right now?”

On the other hand, sometimes just listening to others instead of arguing and explaining may be best.  What does it look like to just listen and be with another person?  What does it look like to be fully present with another? Yeah, this one can be exhausting at times.  I have become quite picky with whom I communicate with for this reason:  I sometimes simply do not have the space or energy to listen fully.  And this is ok!

4. If you want to bow out of something, come up with a few good lines to succinctly explain what you are currently experiencing.  “I really wish I could join you, but, I’m experiencing a lot of pain today from the arthritis” or “I’m experiencing a lot of brain fog right now from the Hashimoto’s”.  Keep it simple, be succinct and clear.

5. Finally: Notice your body language and tonality when you look to communicate with others.  Only 7% of communication is through actual words!  Amateur radio operators develop excellent voice tonality for a reason; since body language can’t be seen, everything must be conveyed through their words and their tone.

When it comes to Autoimmune Disease, You Are Not Alone.

These days, thanks to the internetting, there is SO much help available for those of us dealing with chronic illness, and being heard with autoimmune disease is possible. Calling CQ to connect with others going through the same thing that we are can be as easy as sending an email or posting on a forum or in a Facebook group.

And you don’t even need to build a 50 foot tower and antenna to do so (well, yeah, someone has to build a satellite or something, but, I’m not an engineer or tech wiz, so will leave it at that).

And as always, if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you as well.

’73,

Sandy

I would love to be a support if you are looking to make either big or little shifts in your life and what beliefs you currently hold surrounding your health and autoimmune disease.  To book your Complimentary Session and Assessment, click here.

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach (A-CFHC) and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.