Self-care. WTF is it?

This is part of my “one thing” series.  Other posts in this series can be found here.

If there’s one thing you should do during the pandemic, it’s to figure out your self-care routine.

People are realizing the need for self-care during this uncertain time in our world. They’re also questioning what it means to them; it’s become a common topic in many of my coaching sessions lately.

But really, what is it?  What does it mean to have a “self-care regime”?

#selfcare is a tag on 31 million posts on Instagram. It’s become a marketing buzzword. Don’t confuse #selfcare with #skincare (unless you really enjoy a good bubble bath or lotion, then knock yourself out!).

#selfcaresunday (over 900,000 tags) hosts a treasure trove of images featuring ladies sporting various face masks, showing off their groomed brows, or holding the smoothie of the day. This begs the question: is Sunday the only day we are allowed to give ourselves some self-care? Are women the only ones who need self-care?

This culture in which we live sure is interesting, isn’t it?

Spending a lot of money on product (and uploading images to prove that we care about ourselves) can be a form of self-care for many, but it’s easy to get misled by the power of Instagram marketing.

My point here is:  Don’t fall into the marketing trap. Self-care can go a lot deeper than a day at the Kohler Spa or slapping down money for a new lip gloss.

What is it?

Self-care can be defined as an activity that benefits our physical, mental, or emotional health and well-being.

To put it another way, self-care is whatever feeds and refuels your mind, body, and spirit.

Well, that was easy.  Shortest blog post ever! /exiting out of wordpress

/several days later

After some reflection, I’ve broken this down a little bit more.  Defining what self-care is for ourselves can be confusing, but once we figure that out, so much will fall into place and become clear.

I’ve broken down self-care routines into two parts: “foundational” and “feel-good”.

Foundational Self-Care

There are five parts to “foundational self-care”, the on-going self-care machine we all have:

• Diet
• Movement
• Sleep
• Work/Play balance
• Relationships/Social connection.

Some of you may recognize the “4 Pillars of Health” (nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management) – to which I say, good eye! The 5th Pillar is just as important;  social connection is vital for good health and our overall well-being.

Unlike feel-good self-care, everyone should be mindful of these 5 things.  This is self-care we deserve to give ourselves every single day.  And this will mean different things to everyone.

I invite you to go through each of these foundational parts of self-care when it comes to your daily routine.  How is each benefitting your physical, mental, and emotional health and well-being?

Some examples of a foundational self-care routine:

• Diet – eating Paelo 80% of the time
• Movement – going for a walk every morning, taking breaks at work to do some stretching or yoga
• Sleep – having a good evening/wind-down routine, good sleep hygiene
• Work/Play balance – scheduling in time for hobbies and fun, turning off screens
• Relationships/Social Connection – making sure there is time spent with friends and family

For those of us with chronic illness, foundational self-care might look like this:

• Diet – avoiding gluten 100%
• Movement – getting out of bed or walking to the kitchen
• Sleep – giving ourselves enough time to sleep, even if it’s 10-11 hours
• Work/Play balance – being kind to ourselves if we are unable to work full-time, being kind to ourselves when we don’t have the energy to fully partake in our hobbies
• Relationships/Social Connection – finding good support, allowing others to help us

One last example, keeping in mind that doing things outside of your comfort zone, saying no, speaking up for yourself, and setting clear boundaries can all be considered self-care:

• Diet – eating something you don’t necessarily like but do because you know it’s good for you
• Movement – dragging yourself to the gym because you know you’ll feel really great afterward
• Sleep – saying no to staying out late
• Work/Play balance – staying at the beach an extra hour instead of going home to catch up on work
• Relationships/Social Connection – allowing your kids to stay up past their bedtime to lay on the grass with you and look at constellations on a summer night

What do you think? What does foundational self-care look like to you?

Feel-good Self-Care

This is the fun part, as feel-good self-care can be whatever the hell YOU want it to be! Whee!

This can be planned or in-the-moment. If it involves being kind to yourself, if it brings you great joy, or if it refuels your mind, body, or spirit (or all of the above!), it’s self-care. Again: if bubble baths or facials are your thing, great! If not, great!

Some things I consider feel-good self-care for myself are:

• self-reflection/journaling/writing
• walking or hiking
• seeing my therapist
• eating off-diet – with purpose
• savoring a carefully crafted cocktail made by my housemate
• taking breaks from work to do the dishes, tidy up, or water the plants on my porch
• getting off social media
• having a good cry
• turning on my air conditioner
• ditching my morning routine for great sex
• not finishing that book I really wasn’t that into
• taking naps on the couch
• taking my laptop to the porch instead of working inside
• not coaching someone if it’s not a good fit
• listening to podcasts while cooking
• talking on the phone while barefoot outside
• traveling via motorcycle.

Yes, there’s some overlap with foundational self-care here.  I try not to think too much about labeling things when it comes to feel-good self-care (and no one else is gonna care either).

What are some feel-good things that you do to refuel yourself?

What Self-Care is NOT.

Self-care is not selfish.  If anything, it could be construed as self-preservation.

Self-care is not anything you don’t want it to be. Create a “nope” list.  If fancy pedicures or froofy hot stone treatments with new-age music are not your thing, just stop it. Konmari your feel-good self-care list! Does it bring you joy? No? Ditch it.

Self-care is not self-indulgent. It is not mindlessly doing numbing behaviors like overeating or binging on sugar, drinking, having a cigarette or a pint of ice cream as a reward for something, or surfing social media These things could actually be called “self-abuse”.

It CAN be treating yourself with something extravagant (whatever that means for your situation).

Self-care is not something you earn or something “extra” like a vacation (although vacations can be a feel-good self-care item for many). It is something each one of us deserves, every day.  It is a belief and a lifestyle.

When it comes to defining self-care, ask yourself:  How is this benefitting me?  How is this refueling me?

If it’s hurting you or sapping your energy (short-term or long-term), is it truly self-care?

How are your foundational self-care routines? What could be adjusted or tweaked to make them more beneficial?

What do you do to for feel-good self-care?  What could be added or subtracted?

What is self-care to YOU?

Until next time!

Sandy

“Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
– Eleanor Brown

MY OFFER TO YOU.

In light of all that’s been going on in this world, I would like to offer you, dear reader, some coaching.

I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in the world right now. It does not have to be about nutrition or autoimmune issues. We can talk about anything that’s on your mind.

We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:

• creating new habits in this “new normal” – or maintaining current habits
• work challenges – either working from home or being out of work
• figuring out how to best spend your time with your now at-home children (and still retain your sanity)
• how to cope if you have too much free time, or if you are finding it hard to strike a work-time vs. free-time balance in light of recent changes
• how best to manage stress
• guilty feelings about not having to go work or the gym or maybe cheating on your diet
• feeling ok doing absolutely nothing for a while
• helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
• help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
• if you are a health care worker, I can offer empathy and support for what you are facing right now.

To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.

Be well, everyone, and I look forward to meeting you.

Sandy

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach who received her training from Chris Kresser’s ADAPT Health Coach training course (A-CFHC) and is also a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.