Stories. We all tell ourselves stories. And all of these stories are shaped by our internal voices, our families, past trauma, parental voices, the culture in which we grew up or are currently living in. Every person will tell a very different story depending on their perspective. Some parts of a story may be true, some may be fabricated in our minds.
What is it about the way you are telling your stories that is serving you well? Or, maybe not so well? What is causing you to hold on to these stories?
A tale of two stories.
I would like to share two stories from two people, who went to the same music school at around the same time and studied with the same music professor. Note how different their stories are:
Story One:
This person had an incredibly stressful time at the conservatory. His professor verbally and emotionally abused him every week in their lessons. The school itself asked a lot of their students, which was also stressful; he felt they didn’t understand that what they were asking for was way too much. Now, 25 years later, he still has anger about his time at the conservatory. He was so angry that he gave up music completely for a time. While he now has a career in music, he continues to bitterly complain about his professor and blame him for his current health issues, which he says prevent him from leading the life he was meant to have lived.
Story Two:
This person also had a stressful time at the conservatory. She had the same professor as the person above and was subject to the same weekly abuse from them. She too took some time off from playing. When she returned to music, she thought about the lessons she had with this abusive professor. She realized he actually did have some great advice, but his means of delivering it was not the best. The school had really super high standards, and these standards made her a better person overall and taught her how to strive for being the best in whatever she does. She too has health issues 25+ years on; she considers that perhaps these issues started because of the stress she faced while at school. However she also knows that she would not be where she is today without going through all that she has, and for this she is grateful.
What is your story telling you?
Yeah, that’s me in the second story.
I had a real asshole for a teacher. This conservatory was the most stressful place I had ever encountered. And I do believe that one of my root causes for my Hashimoto’s is the stress I endured while in school, but: what good would have come had I bathed myself in that negative space of blame and playing the victim?
Ok, confession time: That’s me in the first story too (no, I didn’t get a sex change, that was just to throw you off. was I successful? meh, doesn’t matter). I did harbor feelings of anger and experienced great anxiety about my music for some time. I was pretty bitter, too. Yikes.
It took some time for me to rewrite my story into the one in the second paragraph. I also had the help of a great therapist who worked with me doing EMDR therapy. EMDR goes into the “back door” of your brain to rewire your thought patterns, something that worked well for me when traditional talk therapy did very little. Highly recommend if talking and journaling in circles is not working for you.
Reframing your Stories.
What stories are you currently holding on to? About your autoimmune issues, your health, your life?
What are those stories currently telling you?
If you could listen to yourself tell this story, what are you hearing?
When it comes to your stories, some questions to ponder:
First of all, rewriting a story may take some time. This is not to be rushed. Just acknowledging that you have these stories is the first step. Instead of trying to rewrite everything in one day, honor your story and where it is coming from. Perhaps ask yourself:
- Am I telling myself a story? What about this story is true (factual)? What is not factual and is my own opinion and judgment?
- Is this a story I want to tell?
- What about this story is helping me right now? Sometimes stories protect us in some way and can be helpful for a time.
To go a little deeper, ask yourself:
- What emotions are behind this story?
- Is there fear, sadness, anger, grief?
- What does that tell you about your story?
- Are there needs behind your stories?
- Are there recurring themes across your stories, like a need to be heard? or a need for connection?
And:
- If you could re-write them in any way with the best possible outcomes, how would you do so?
If it doesn’t feel right to rewrite them yet, that’s ok. This takes time. Be kind, be gentle, go slow. Be curious and nonjudgmental with yourself.
And: seek help if you need it. Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes is what we need to achieve this new perspective. I’m always here to offer support if needed; see below for more info.
Until next time,
Sandy
MY OFFER TO YOU.
I would love to be a support to you, no matter what fears you are facing at this time.
As your coach, I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in the world right now. We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:
- creating new habits – or maintaining current habits
- work challenges – either working from home or being out of work
- figuring out how to best spend your time with your now at-home children (and still retain your sanity)
- fears of starting a new career
- how best to manage stress
- guilty feelings about cheating on your diet
- fear around changing your diet
- feeling ok doing absolutely nothing for a while
- creating boundaries with family, friends, and co-wokers
- helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
- help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
- giving yourself permission to just be – no matter where you are in your life.
To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.
Be well, everyone, and I look forward to meeting you.
Sandy
Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach who received her training from Chris Kresser’s ADAPT Health Coach training course (A-CFHC) and is also a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC). You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.
