Stopping and resting. When was the last time you did either?

By “stopping and resting” I don’t mean laying down and taking a nap (although that sounds lovely right about now).  I mean to literally stop moving. Stop planning. Stop thinking. Stop DOING.

To just BE.

Life moves pretty fast, and if we don’t stop and look around once in a while, well, we could miss it.

Yeah, I know. We’re all under pressure every day to keep up.  Keep up with what? The Joneses?

Spoiler alert: The Joneses only exist in your head.

Our culture puts a ton of pressure on us to keep up with our imaginary friends (or not-so-imaginary ones), but we also put incredible amounts of pressure on ourselves to go-go-go and do-do-do.  We “should” take care of others in our lives. We “need” to finish our honey-do lists.  We “have” to figure out our illnesses so we can get back to our lives of doing.

It’s like we’re waiting for someone to give us permission to stop… and rest.

Stopping and resting.

Life can be overwhelming, and when we are sick, this feeling of being overwhelmed compounds.  Being in pain, having gut issues, fatigue, or brain fog does NOT help matters.  Who’s with me on this one?

But: what if it was ok to stop doing?

I invite you to do just that. Slow down.  Have some water. Stretch. Ok sure, lay down – enjoy some restorative yoga nidra.  Breathe.  Rest. Just be for a while.

These have been difficult times for many of us.

Yeah, it’s easy to say “stop it” when looking in from the outside. But who the heck has time for stopping and resting with all that needs to be done?! There are mouths to feed and bills to pay and work to do!

Having a chronic illness can be overwhelming in and of itself.  We may also be caring for sick or elderly family members in addition to our own sick and fatigued selves.

Maybe we’re moving or getting married or getting divorced or having a baby.  Maybe we’re starting a new diet or fitness routine or we’ve started a new job.

And, oh yeah, on top of all that, there’s a pandemic that’s throwing a monkey wrench into everything.

How to combat this feeling of overwhelm?

Simple: Don’t think about the future. Just do one thing at a time.

Yep, I’m back to do-ing.  Stay with me here!

If we are able to stay focused on one thing at a time we have the potential to move into a state of be-ing while we are do-ing.

This poem by Elana Mikhalkova from her book “The Room of Ancient Keys” states this concept more eloquently than I ever could:

This is part of my “one thing” series.  Other posts in this series can be found here.

If there’s one thing you should do during the pandemic, it’s to figure out your self-care routine.

People are realizing the need for self-care during this uncertain time in our world. They’re also questioning what it means to them; it’s become a common topic in many of my coaching sessions lately.

But really, what is it?  What does it mean to have a “self-care regime”?

#selfcare is a tag on 31 million posts on Instagram. It’s become a marketing buzzword. Don’t confuse #selfcare with #skincare (unless you really enjoy a good bubble bath or lotion, then knock yourself out!).

#selfcaresunday (over 900,000 tags) hosts a treasure trove of images featuring ladies sporting various face masks, showing off their groomed brows, or holding the smoothie of the day. This begs the question: is Sunday the only day we are allowed to give ourselves some self-care? Are women the only ones who need self-care?

This culture in which we live sure is interesting, isn’t it?

Spending a lot of money on product (and uploading images to prove that we care about ourselves) can be a form of self-care for many, but it’s easy to get misled by the power of Instagram marketing.

My point here is:  Don’t fall into the marketing trap. Self-care can go a lot deeper than a day at the Kohler Spa or slapping down money for a new lip gloss.

What is it?

Self-care can be defined as an activity that benefits our physical, mental, or emotional health and well-being.

To put it another way, self-care is whatever feeds and refuels your mind, body, and spirit.

Well, that was easy.  Shortest blog post ever! /exiting out of wordpress

/several days later

After some reflection, I’ve broken this down a little bit more.  Defining what self-care is for ourselves can be confusing, but once we figure that out, so much will fall into place and become clear.

I’ve broken down self-care routines into two parts: “foundational” and “feel-good”.

Foundational Self-Care

There are five parts to “foundational self-care”, the on-going self-care machine we all have:

• Diet
• Movement
• Sleep
• Work/Play balance
• Relationships/Social connection.

Some of you may recognize the “4 Pillars of Health” (nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management) – to which I say, good eye! The 5th Pillar is just as important;  social connection is vital for good health and our overall well-being.

Unlike feel-good self-care, everyone should be mindful of these 5 things.  This is self-care we deserve to give ourselves every single day.  And this will mean different things to everyone.

I invite you to go through each of these foundational parts of self-care when it comes to your daily routine.  How is each benefitting your physical, mental, and emotional health and well-being?

Some examples of a foundational self-care routine:

• Diet – eating Paelo 80% of the time
• Movement – going for a walk every morning, taking breaks at work to do some stretching or yoga
• Sleep – having a good evening/wind-down routine, good sleep hygiene
• Work/Play balance – scheduling in time for hobbies and fun, turning off screens
• Relationships/Social Connection – making sure there is time spent with friends and family

For those of us with chronic illness, foundational self-care might look like this:

• Diet – avoiding gluten 100%
• Movement – getting out of bed or walking to the kitchen
• Sleep – giving ourselves enough time to sleep, even if it’s 10-11 hours
• Work/Play balance – being kind to ourselves if we are unable to work full-time, being kind to ourselves when we don’t have the energy to fully partake in our hobbies
• Relationships/Social Connection – finding good support, allowing others to help us

One last example, keeping in mind that doing things outside of your comfort zone, saying no, speaking up for yourself, and setting clear boundaries can all be considered self-care:

• Diet – eating something you don’t necessarily like but do because you know it’s good for you
• Movement – dragging yourself to the gym because you know you’ll feel really great afterward
• Sleep – saying no to staying out late
• Work/Play balance – staying at the beach an extra hour instead of going home to catch up on work
• Relationships/Social Connection – allowing your kids to stay up past their bedtime to lay on the grass with you and look at constellations on a summer night

What do you think? What does foundational self-care look like to you?

Feel-good Self-Care

This is the fun part, as feel-good self-care can be whatever the hell YOU want it to be! Whee!

This can be planned or in-the-moment. If it involves being kind to yourself, if it brings you great joy, or if it refuels your mind, body, or spirit (or all of the above!), it’s self-care. Again: if bubble baths or facials are your thing, great! If not, great!

Some things I consider feel-good self-care for myself are:

• self-reflection/journaling/writing
• walking or hiking
• seeing my therapist
• eating off-diet – with purpose
• savoring a carefully crafted cocktail made by my housemate
• taking breaks from work to do the dishes, tidy up, or water the plants on my porch
• getting off social media
• having a good cry
• turning on my air conditioner
• ditching my morning routine for great sex
• not finishing that book I really wasn’t that into
• taking naps on the couch
• taking my laptop to the porch instead of working inside
• not coaching someone if it’s not a good fit
• listening to podcasts while cooking
• talking on the phone while barefoot outside
• traveling via motorcycle.

Yes, there’s some overlap with foundational self-care here.  I try not to think too much about labeling things when it comes to feel-good self-care (and no one else is gonna care either).

What are some feel-good things that you do to refuel yourself?

What Self-Care is NOT.

Self-care is not selfish.  If anything, it could be construed as self-preservation.

Self-care is not anything you don’t want it to be. Create a “nope” list.  If fancy pedicures or froofy hot stone treatments with new-age music are not your thing, just stop it. Konmari your feel-good self-care list! Does it bring you joy? No? Ditch it.

Self-care is not self-indulgent. It is not mindlessly doing numbing behaviors like overeating or binging on sugar, drinking, having a cigarette or a pint of ice cream as a reward for something, or surfing social media These things could actually be called “self-abuse”.

It CAN be treating yourself with something extravagant (whatever that means for your situation).

Self-care is not something you earn or something “extra” like a vacation (although vacations can be a feel-good self-care item for many). It is something each one of us deserves, every day.  It is a belief and a lifestyle.

When it comes to defining self-care, ask yourself:  How is this benefitting me?  How is this refueling me?

If it’s hurting you or sapping your energy (short-term or long-term), is it truly self-care?

How are your foundational self-care routines? What could be adjusted or tweaked to make them more beneficial?

What do you do to for feel-good self-care?  What could be added or subtracted?

What is self-care to YOU?

Until next time!

Sandy

“Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
– Eleanor Brown

MY OFFER TO YOU.

In light of all that’s been going on in this world, I would like to offer you, dear reader, some coaching.

I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in the world right now. It does not have to be about nutrition or autoimmune issues. We can talk about anything that’s on your mind.

We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:

• creating new habits in this “new normal” – or maintaining current habits
• work challenges – either working from home or being out of work
• figuring out how to best spend your time with your now at-home children (and still retain your sanity)
• how to cope if you have too much free time, or if you are finding it hard to strike a work-time vs. free-time balance in light of recent changes
• how best to manage stress
• guilty feelings about not having to go work or the gym or maybe cheating on your diet
• feeling ok doing absolutely nothing for a while
• helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
• help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
• if you are a health care worker, I can offer empathy and support for what you are facing right now.

To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.

Be well, everyone, and I look forward to meeting you.

Sandy

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach who received her training from Chris Kresser’s ADAPT Health Coach training course (A-CFHC) and is also a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.

Wondering what to tell people who don’t understand your need to go gluten-free or change up your diet?  Been there, done that.  It can be so frustrating when people don’t understand (not always their fault) or don’t care (not much you can do there).  You can end up feeling pretty alone.

If it’s the former, gently explaining the situation sometimes helps. You may need to lather, rinse, and repeat several times, but repetition is sometimes necessary and not always a bad thing!

As we create new and lasting habits, hopefully, others will eventually see these habits not as “big changes”, but simply who we are.  And they will forget it was even an issue in the first place.

Getting to that point, though, can be hard.

Below is a letter I sent to my family a few years back when I embarked on the AIP.  It was after a morning of frustration, trying to explain and defend my new dietary choices to my family.  I went home and wrote this email and sent it off.  It was very well received and opened up the lines of communication for a bit more discussion and, more importantly, understanding and support.

Note: I have Hashimoto’s, but really this pertains to anyone dealing with autoimmune disease or chronic illness – the point is not about the details, but about gently opening up and sharing facts and your reasons for why you are doing what you are doing, and asking for support if you need it.

Whether or not you get that support is another post for another time, but if you speak your mind honestly and clearly in a kind and gentle manner, that is the best you can do.  The rest is on them.

Feel free to share.

What To Say To People Who Don’t Understand.

Greetings all,

Here are some answers to your questions from earlier today:

What I have is called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune disease (like diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, Chron’s disease, lupus, or Lyme disease).

There is no medication for autoimmune disease. There is medication for the thyroid which could help with the fact that my thyroid is low functioning, but there’s simply no medication for my body attacking itself.

I’m not sure if it is the same thing that Aunt Susie had; there are many different types of thyroid disease. You can still have Hashimoto’s even if you don’t have a thyroid, so taking it out is NOT an option.  Most of my thyroid is still intact and is still somewhat functional. If I did take it out I would have to take more pills aside from the little one I am currently taking, and taking more pills is not appealing to me in the least.

I don’t know what caused the Hashimoto’s. It could have been stress (my time in college with my professor? the stress of infertility?), a sensitivity to a food at some point, a bacteria, an antibiotic. Regardless of what caused it, I now have to do whatever I can to make sure it doesn’t get worse.  People who have one autoimmune disease usually develop more unless something is done to improve gut health. I am trying to avoid that.

Regarding gluten: My body sees gluten as an unwelcome visitor that must be destroyed. Research has found that the molecular structure of gluten is similar to thyroid tissue. If I eat gluten, antibodies are created to destroy the gluten.  Since gluten is similar to thyroid tissue, the antibodies also go after my thyroid.

So by avoiding gluten, I’m working to lower my antibodies because when my body is constantly attacking itself it makes me feel tired, fatigued, cold, weak, and all of those other symptoms I’ve mentioned in previous emails.

So less gluten = fewer antibodies = less attack on my thyroid = me feeling much better. 😀

Hence, I’ve been told by my doctor to stay away from gluten 100% of the time. This is not a bandwagon I just happily jumped on because it was the “diet du jour”. I’m not fond of it, and it’s very frustrating sometimes. But like a diabetic, I now have to watch what I eat. By doing so I could quite possibly put the disease into remission. I will still have it, but I will (hopefully) not have any symptoms.

I want to be able to function every day, not just 1 or 2 days a week. So I simply am going to avoid what is making me sick. Right now the biggest culprit is, and always will be, gluten.

I’m still learning about this disease, but that’s the gist of what I know. If you want to know anything else about Hashimoto’s or autoimmune disease and the gut health connection, please feel free to research it yourself. There is an abundance of material about it out there on the internet.  Or, if you like, I can send you some information. Just let me know.

I know this is frustrating for you guys. I’m sorry you’re frustrated.  I’m frustrated too as this is a huge inconvenience for me and I have to deal with it every day. I don’t want to live this way. I wish I could eat whatever the heck I want and be healthy, but I can’t. So I’m figuring out a new way of living.

And I’ll say it again, I don’t expect anyone to EVER cook anything “special” for me. It’s my problem, not yours. But, I’ll say this again too, please don’t be offended if I turn down delicious baked goods or bread – it’s not about you, it’s about my gut and my thyroid and my health.  I won’t have bread no matter how heartfelt your pleas because:  I just want to feel better.

I hope you understand that feeling crappy stinks. I want to be better. I am working toward bettering my health.

If it is easier for me to bring my own food to family gatherings, by all means, I will, but there is usually SO many great things to eat that don’t have gluten!  So I don’t have bread or pasta, no big deal.  I’ll have extra green beans and salad and another helping that delicious roast chicken.  Pass the plate! No big whoop.

That’s all I got, hope it explains some things. I really wish things were different, and I wish there was a magical fix or cure.  Right now there is no cure for what I have, so I’m dealing with it the best way I know how at this moment.

Thanks for reading.  I really appreciate your support as I go through this huge change in my life.

Love,
Sandy

My offer to you.

In light of all that’s been going on in this world, I would like to offer you, dear reader, some coaching.

I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in the world right now. It does not have to be about nutrition or autoimmune issues. We can talk about anything that’s on your mind.

We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:

• creating new habits in this “new normal” – or maintaining current habits
• work challenges – either working from home or being out of work
• figuring out how to best spend your time with your now at-home children (and still retain your sanity)
• how to cope if you have too much free time, or if you are finding it hard to strike a work-time vs. free-time balance in light of recent changes
• how best to manage stress
• guilty feelings about not having to go work or the gym or maybe cheating on your diet
• feeling ok doing absolutely nothing for a while
• helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
• help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
• if you are a health care worker, I can offer empathy and support for what you are facing right now.

To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.

Be well, everyone, and I look forward to meeting you.

Sandy

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach who received her training from Chris Kresser’s ADAPT Health Coach training course (A-CFHC) and is also a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.