Swanson Coaching, LLC

“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or
falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you.”

― C.S. Lewis

Autoimmune disease and beliefs.  What comes up for you when reading that?

I used to believe that once I was on thyroid meds, all would return to normal despite my having Hashimoto’s.

I also believed that what I needed to do was to work as hard as I could to get “my life back” – to return to the way I was prior to my diagnosis – and only then could I move forward with my life.

The more I learned, however, the more I questioned these beliefs.

I realized that life constantly shifts and changes every single day, autoimmune disease or not.  To hold on to some notion that life should be a certain way (with or without chronic illness) was actually pretty silly.

I shifted my belief around this notion that life had to be a certain way – and it opened unending possibilities for me as a result.

Common beliefs about autoimmune disease.

Below are some examples of beliefs we may have about our health:

• When it comes to autoimmune disease, many may hold fast to the belief that we have to eat a certain way to feel good.
• We might believe that our loved ones will love us less or be angry if we don’t eat what they’ve cooked for us.
• We believe that one must exercise a certain amount to lose weight.
• We believe that one shouldn’t do anything strenuous if we have autoimmune disease.
• We have beliefs that our doctors must always be right because of their vast knowledge and training and working with them is the only way to fully heal.
• We believe that we don’t need doctors to heal.
• We have beliefs about taking medication – or not.
• We believe that because our parents have a disease, we are destined to get it as well.
• We believe it’s our fate to be sick, so there’s nothing we can do.
• We believe that because there’s no cure for autoimmune disease, so there’s no point in trying to make things better.

Which of these resonate with you, if any? Anything you would add?

How to deal with these beliefs?

So what to do when everything we read about how to live with autoimmune disease is so very different than how we were raised? Or different than what we wanted or imagined for ourselves? Or when the information out there is so new that our doctors, steeped in old methods and procedures, do not even offer it to us?

Changing belief systems is HARD work. For doctors too.

It’s especially hard in our culture and society where so much focus is put on food, on exercise, on body image, on the types of doctors we see. We see confirmation of these old beliefs daily in the news and on social media. We leave no room for options. We believe there is no other way.  We assume that things are the way they are and that’s that.

Five things to help change your beliefs.

It’s up to us to do the hard work of shifting what we believe to be true when it comes to our health.  Some thoughts here on how to gently start teasing apart those beliefs:

• Awareness.  What are you avoiding? Awareness is ALWAYS the first step to shifting a belief. For those of you who took my Reimagining Hashimoto’s course this spring, we spent a bit of time on this concept (I’ll be offering this course again in the fall for those interested in joining me then).
• Emotions – especially fear or anger.  What emotions are coming up for you as you work on your health? Often times we get angry or defensive when our beliefs are challenged. Be gentle and be curious and ask yourself: what is that about? is there an underlying fear beneath that anger that may need teasing apart before you can move forward?
• Your mindset.  What about your beliefs are helpful in your healing process?  What are harmful?  Awareness of how our thoughts can help or hurt us can be helpful in uncovering how our beliefs are holding us back – or moving us forward – when it comes to our health. If one is stuck in a mire of negativity, consider how this is helpful to you. It usually is, in some small, seemingly insignificant way. And that way, no matter how small, usually indicates the path forward.
• Curiosity.  Question everything, especially when information contradicts your current beliefs.  The more information we have that contradicts us, the more open we become to shifting our beliefs. Be curious, be open to new information. That said, also be aware of confirmation bias or arguing or becoming defensive. Are you just looking for something to satisfy what you want to hear? Is there fear underlying this refusal to be open to other information? Is there a need to be right? If so, what’s that about…?
• Intuition. What is your gut telling you about your current beliefs and other beliefs when it comes to your health?  I invite you to play around with sensing past what the mind is thinking. Our brains often get in the way of our intuition by providing lots of judgments and perceptions that muck up the clear waters of our intuition. What does it look like to separate the mind and the gut?
• Perspective. Is there another perspective you’re missing? For example, we might think we are “broken” due to our health issues, and putting the pieces back together to create a new life will seem less than ideal. That we failed.
  But: like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, where pottery is mended with gold as in the photo above, we can choose to look at our brokenness as a thing of renewed strength and beauty, not sadness or frailty.  Our health may allow us to eat better than we’ve ever eaten, to listen, really listen to our bodies, to care for ourselves in a way that most people do not.  This may take a lot of work and usually results in us being more resilient than your average person.

Do you believe in life after autoimmune disease?

Stepping outside of our beliefs can be scary. It’s uncomfortable. Being challenged for what we perceive as the truth is hard.

Rewriting beliefs is a great first step towards changing your diet, your exercise plan, your daily routine.  It makes things easier. It restores the flow to your life.

Understanding that our life may never be the same because of autoimmune disease can be devastating.  And it can also be freeing.  It can open up possibilities that may never have been thought of before.

I now believe that my life is richer than it ever would have been without Hashimoto’s.  But of course, I will never know that for sure. Sometimes certain beliefs are not a bad thing to have. 🙂

I would love to be a support if you are looking to make either big or little shifts in your life and what beliefs you currently hold surrounding your health and autoimmune disease.  To book your Complimentary Session and Assessment, click here.

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach (A-CFHC) and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.

Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

“Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.”

— Phil Connors, Groundhog Day

I’m writing this on February 2nd (aka Groundhog Day here in the states).

I’m also watching the movie “Groundhog Day” starring Bill Murray.

For those poor unfortunate souls who have not seen the film, it’s the story of Phil Conners (Bill Murray), a weatherman who has to visit a small town in Pennsylvania to film a segment on whether or not Puxatawny Phil, the infamous groundhog, sees his shadow. If he does see his shadow, this signals six more weeks of winter (if he doesn’t see his shadow, early spring!).

Traditions sure are strange…

But, I digress. Back to our regularly scheduled program:

The movie turns comedic – and a little tragic – when Phil (the weatherman, not the groundhog), tucked into his cozy bed and breakfast, wakes up each morning over and over again only to discover it’s the same day – February 2nd, Groundhog Day.

He is forced to repeat this day until he gets it right.

When he realizes what is happening, Phil (who is a bit of a jerk) sees this as a golden opportunity to do whatever the hell he wants:  punch an annoying classmate in the face, steal money out of the back of a truck, get a girl in bed, etc…. without having to suffer any consequences. Sounds like a perfect world!

He forces and pushes himself (and others) to the extreme to try to create outcomes in his favor.

Phil then realizes that while he can do anything he wants, he can’t get anything he truly wants.

He doesn’t control as much as he thought, despite most everything every day being pretty much the same over and over again.  He starts thinking:

What if this never ends?  What if I am doomed to repeat this day… forever?

Then, Phil wakes up one day (yep, still February 2nd for the bazillionth day in a row) and has an epiphany:

What if this never ends…?

If this cycle never ends, what can be done to make things the most… comfortable? Enjoyable? Not only for him, but for everyone around him?

How does one learn to live again, in this “new normal”? To have fun, to work, to play, despite the fact that tomorrow will never come?

All of this preamble is to say:  I have seen many of my clients dealing with autoimmune disease have this same epiphany.

When dealing with chronic illness we can easily get mired in the details of outcomes.  We strive for perfect health, we fight to get back to where we were when we weren’t sick.

Or we pretend that “well it doesn’t matter, I’m sick anyway, so I’m gonna keep doing XYZ, nothing’s ever gonna change”.

How does one learn to accept and live in a “new normal”, in a life that we didn’t necessarily sign up for?

Accepting “what is” sure is hard. But it’s also the key to regaining our health – and creating comfort and enjoyment again.  Might not be exactly what we had planned, but, then again, what does ever turn out exactly as we plan?

What if everything were just as it should be, right here, right now?

To be clear, this is not about giving up. This is about acceptance and the ability to choose how you want to respond to your current circumstances, and pivot when the time is right.

After he accepted his current state of affairs, Phil eventually chose to be kind instead of his usual jerky shadowy self.  Only then, after this acceptance and his being kind – not only to others but himself – did the day on the calendar finally change.

And he always had the power in him all along to make this choice.

What are your thoughts on acceptance and the power of choice? If any of this resonates with you, feel free to let me know.

Til next time,

Sandy

I would love to be a support to you if you are looking to make either big or little shifts in your life. As your coach, I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in your life right now.  We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:

• accepting what is
• creating balance in your life
• working through emotions of grief, sadness, or loss
• helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
• help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
• letting go of perfectionism when it comes to your health
• how best to manage stress and anxiety
• creating boundaries with family, friends, and co-workers
• giving yourself permission to just be – no matter where you are in your life.

To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach (A-CFHC) and a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.

PS: No, I did not take the photo above, and yes, it’s probably a yellow-bellied marmot, not a groundhog. 

Anger!!! Who here is angry?! About anything. The election, the fact your spouse never takes out the trash when you ask them to, that those damn kids won’t get off your lawn…ARGH!!!

Recently there was a flood of emails between myself and other family members regarding a recent health emergency back home.  In one of my emails I hastily wrote something that wasn’t true – still can’t believe that I didn’t re-read and edit – I am still kicking myself for rushing to hit send.

Basically, I lied.

I did not mean to lie.  What I meant to write and what came out on my computer were two very, VERY different things, the difference of a couple of words I had failed to type.

Part of me assumed they would understand my meaning and I thought nothing more of it. How dare I assume of others – not cool, Sandy, not cool at all.  Language is so important.

One of my family members took great offense to some of my words. In re-reading my email, I could see how she could take those words the wrong way.  But she also assumed. She assumed the worst. She assumed I was intentionally lying to other family members.

Her reaction (that included calling me to yell and shout with the use of some unsavory language, as well as hanging up on me – which in retrospect made giggle as hanging up via cellphone is just not the same as hanging up with a landline receiver) and anger was a shock.

After recovering from the barrage of hurtful words that happened during that phone call and taking the time to reflect on the whole turn of events, I decided to get curious about the concept of anger and penned out some thoughts on what to do if you or a loved one get angry.

Anger: What on earth is going on here??

Anger is often a cover-up for something else that’s going on.  Talking about fear, anxiety, grief…emotions that have the potential to make us vulnerable if we give voice to them.

There may be feelings of guilt, of feeling unloved, or of being undervalued (like my family member above may have felt due to my words in that email) hiding under the surface.

If one does not have the resources or capability to deal with the emotions and feelings underneath, they may come out disguised as anger.  Additionally, in today’s culture, it is not cool to have and show “soft” emotions or to appear “weak”.

It’s a big risk to show vulnerability to another – it’s hard.

It’s a lot easier to yell and shout.

For the person getting yelled at, it’s usually a lot easier to yell back or to find something else to get angry about so you can attack them.

And so the cycle goes.

Fight-Flight-Freeze Reaction

When someone is the recipient of another person’s anger, they may feel fear.  The instinct that comes the experience of fear is to fight (yell back with anger), flee (get as far away as possible from the source of anger to conserve energy and resources) or freeze (do nothing and end up feeling feel hurt or sad. This is a common reaction of someone who has been the victim of someone’s repeated anger or gaslighting in a relationship – personal or professional).

Going back to my story, I felt myself figuratively “fleeing” from the person yelling at me, and my instinct told me that, for whatever reason, this person had the intent to harm me. Moving back and giving them space helped give me space as well, as well as time to reflect and consider exactly what just happened.

What do you notice your reaction is when someone is angry in your presence? Are you a fighter, or perhaps someone who freezes? or someone who flees the scene?

What about your reaction is useful and helpful?  Consider this one carefully, as there is usually something that feels “safe” in the way we react.

Anger: Six Things To Consider.

There are a few things to consider when looking for the source of anger:

1. A lie.  When someone tells a lie, we get angry.  This is what happened with the family member mentioned above when she read my piss-poorly written email; underneath that anger there was most likely a feeling of being undervalued for her efforts and work regarding our family emergency.
   When faced with a lie, the best thing to do is to ask yourself:  What about this lie bothers me – in other words, why am I getting angry? Am I able to confront the other person about my underlying feelings and emotions in a calm and rational way? Am I willing to hear the other side and be open to other possible perspectives?
   Also, consider that all lies are not intentional; sometimes the facts are not clear and sometimes mistakes are made. Be open to listening.
2. Not being fully heard. In general, we don’t listen as deeply as we could.  And when someone is not heard, it hurts.  And we get angry. To be able to listen, and listen well, without reacting, is a skill that many of us could stand to refine a bit. My family member who hung up on me without allowing me the chance to speak got me angry! After the anger passed, however, I realized there was a lot of hurt I was feeling. I wasn’t heard, and this made me quite sad.
3. Boundaries.  If you find yourself getting angry over what someone else does, ask yourself: Do I have good boundaries? Or, was I super-duper clear about this particular boundary?  If the answers are “well, not really…”, then this one is on you.
   Language is important (as always!) when defining boundaries.  More on this in an upcoming post.
4. Control. Are you trying to guilt or shame someone, or are you being a bully?  Are you gaslighting? What are you trying to control? Sometimes we try to control things we simply are not meant to control.  This frustration often comes out as anger towards the other person.
   If you notice this frustration happening, ask yourself:  What can I control, right here, right now?
5. Channeling someone else’s anger.  I see this happening on social media all the time.  One person gets riled up, and others follow suit.  Instead of thinking about their own lives and what is going on inside, they allow the outer world (over which they have no control, see #4 above) to rule their emotions.  They see someone they admire or respect get angry and as a result, they get angry too and spend a lot of energy fighting someone else’s battle.
   Ask yourself: What is it costing me to be this angry? What other, more productive things can I be doing to support myself right now – instead of others? Make self-care a priority if you find yourself getting drawn into social media arguments – and step away if your anger is getting in the way of how you want to be living your life.
6. Something is being hidden. Sometimes we simply do not know how to be vulnerable or express our hurt or sadness or fear that is going on in other parts of our life; these are skills that take time to learn.  But until they are learned, that hurt or sadness can come out as fear and the reaction is akin to the “fight” mentioned above. We lash out angrily instead of verbalizing our hurt and distress and put the hurt onto someone else, which make us feel better for a little while, sort of like a bandaid on an infected wound. Until the infection is taken care of, the bandaid isn’t going to do much.
   One emotion hiding another is called a “distractor implant”: the anger is distracting you from what really needs to be processed within you.

A few questions to ask yourself if you feel anger coming on:

I encourage you to look at the six reasons above as to why anger may appear, and consider them the next time you feel anger bubbling up.  Was a lie told? Did someone cross a boundary?  Did I not feel heard? Is there something underneath I’m unwilling to face? If so, what is it..?

Recognize it, and name it. Giving your anger a label and a name can be helpful because it gives us some power and control over that anger, which is especially important if we feel out of control. We name it and label it – it’s not labeling or defining us.

What is it about reacting strongly, with anger, that is helpful to me right now? The other person? Is there another, kinder, gentler way to react? Be honest with yourself on this one.

What are the other possible perspectives here in this story (whatever story that might be)?  Not only in relation to my own side but on the other side as well?

One final thought about anger.

If you are the recipient of someone else’s anger, ask yourself:  What else does this person have going on in their life that could have caused this reaction?  Suppose the anger directed at you was not about you – at all. What if they are terrified of being vulnerable and open – and it comes out as anger?

Next time someone tells you to get off their lawn, think about their story, and that it might not be about you at all.

“Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?” ― Shannon L. Alder

MY OFFER TO YOU.

I would love to be a support to you, no matter what fears you are facing at this time. If you want to talk through the election, I’m here for you. I will listen deeply, offer empathy, and help you make sense of what’s going on in the world right now.  We can talk about anything that’s on your mind:

• creating new habits – or maintaining current habits
• work challenges – either working from home or being out of work
• figuring out how to best spend your time with your now at-home children (and still retain your sanity)
• fears of starting a new career
• how best to manage stress
• guilty feelings about cheating on your diet
• fear around changing your diet
• feeling ok doing absolutely nothing for a while
• creating boundaries with family, friends, and co-workers
• helping you create structure in your life and a plan moving forward – whatever that may mean to you
• help you regain control if you are feeling out of control
• giving yourself permission to just be – no matter where you are in your life.

To book your Complimentary “Meet & Greet” Session and Assessment, click here.

Sandy Swanson is a Certified Functional Health Coach who received her training from Chris Kresser’s ADAPT Health Coach training course (A-CFHC) and is also a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).  You can learn more about her here and more about what coaching is here.